Haha this entries going to sound a bit contradictory considering I was blasting fat chicks in my last blog entry.
But really, I have no problem with fat, I actually like fat better than stick thin. Its just a matter of people being able to dress appropriately for your body type, personally I don’t wear dresses because I look ridiculous in them. But trust me. If I had cellulite hanging off the back of my thighs, there’s no way in hell I’d be strutting around in mini skirts and short shorts.

But anyway.

I guess not many people who read my blog would be familiar with women’s magazines considering the majority of you are male. But a trend I like to laugh at every time I come across one of these magazines is the section where they finally tell you the secret to having a body like Jessica Alba or Adrianna Lima. I laugh.. because the secret to this is completely different every single week. I especially laughed when they had a photo of Britney Spears and a Turkey Sandwich side by side and tried to explain to me that her body was the result of eating turkey sandwiches…. Now.. If I was an idiot.. I’d probably start eating Turkey Sandwiches and not take into consideration all the other things that resulted in the sexy that is Britney.. such as a 90 date tour of constant dancing, traveling, child care and promo, plus all the dance rehearsals and music videos she has to do.

Well ladies and gentlemen [ mainly ladies, because dudes just shouldn't be skinny.. they need the fat to churn into muscle. ] I know the secret. In fact, it isn’t even a secret. Its just common sense. I could have a body like those ladies in the photo above.. if I wanted. But its really just not worth the constant effort I’d have to put in.

Once upon a time, I had a body like the girls in the photos above. It was the result of eating jack fuck all [ salad.. I have eternal hate for salad ] and hard core running for two hours a day six days a week plus exercise such as sit ups, push ups, weight training, combined with a fast metabolism. This was back when I was a pretty decent athlete, and I was doing it to get faster at running, not so much to look hot.

Now. That was a shit load of effort. I did that for 4 years before I packed it in and said “Fuck this shit”
I’m a lot happier now obviously, I don’t have a body to die for anymore, but I eat whatever the fuck I want, and it takes me to my happy place haha.

That’s the secret. Work your motherfuckin ass off and have shitty, crappy food for the rest of your life and you’ll look fabulous. Its a sure bet. And when I say work your motherfuckin ass off, I don’t mean a few hours in the gym each week. And you have to do this for the rest of your life. Bit of an effort.

There are a few other “secrets” too. These ones don’t require much effort.

* Genetics.
You might get lucky and just have great genetics. Obviously your going to have to be born with this for it to work.

* Don’t eat. Purge.
It works. It’s not good for you. But it works really really well. Its a popular choice among models and famous people. Don’t even deny that it doesn’t happen :P Because I know it does.

* Don’t eat. Purge. Plus Exercise. I’ve done this one too, so I KNOW it works. I looked fuckin amazing for the 3 months that I could keep it up.
This is probably the best option if you want to look hot. You don’t eat, but if you do, just throw it up.
Now. You don’t want to actually get an eating disorder because then you’ll look fuckin horrible, but a combination routine of binge eating, throwing up, a few hours in the gym to tone up and then not eating is a very effective way to look good for the rest of your life at the cost of your health obviously, but hey, who am I to judge, I smoke cancer sticks.

Now. Some people might not want to use these secrets to their benefit. These are the people who will never look like the models pictured above. You might get a decent Britney Spears body [ a really very big might ] if you really work hard at sticking to a permanent diet and exercise regime. But you are never going to look like a bikini model.

But what I’m really trying to say is, do what makes you happy and be happy with the results and don’t expect some miracle secret from a magazine to help you out. Like I said. The only true effective way is to workout like a bitch constantly and eat a fuck lot less. You might not like it. But it IS the only way.

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